Date:	2005-12-08 00:09
Subject:	The grind.
Security:	Public
Mood:	Kittys express emotion good...

I feel like I miss drinking. It was always a really great time getting a bunch of the dudes together and wasting away at the mercy of beer. Some of my fondest memories from the summer stem directly from alcohol related incidents.

Well, I take that back, actually.

I don't really know if it's the drinking I miss. Rather, I think, it's the simple commraderie. Having everybody together in one place and just fucking doing our own thing.

Shit like that just doesn't happen anymore.

I feel like I need to turn my life around, like I'm wasting it But, I'm not doing anything wrong. Well, morally wrong anyway. I haven't touched the sauce in over three months. I've smoked tobacco only three times in the past month, and am continuing the abstinence. Haven't been at the herb. That was a one time thing. Well...one time thing that happened several times.

Been having lots of sleepless nights. And in the morning I never can remember what kept me up. It's why I miss so many classes. I can't sleep at night.

I think one of the most frustrating things, is never being able to articulate my own emotions. Whether print or vocal, I can never seem to say...exactly what I want to say. I suppose everyone has this problem. But, it really annoys me, becuase you know, writing is something I'd like to do, and I'd like to be good at it. And not being able to find words is a pretty fucking big problem. It's probably part of the reason I don't write as often as I used to. I get angry, and quit. It's hard to me to make myself go any further, even when I'm writing for a class I have to take breaks and I feel like a retard. Honestly I do.

It didn't used to be like this.

Perhaps I'm developing an inderiority complex in my old age. Well, a bigger inferiority complex, or at least a more pronounced one. These are the types of things that should have developed when I was younger and less sure of myself. So why in the ever-loving fuck is this shit surfacing now? It took me a really long time to develop this sense of self-confidence that I have. It's not the best, but it works for most things, and I'm proud of it. Becuase, it's a lot better than the trash I used to have. And because it's one of the greatest things I've ever done for myself.

I'd like to believe that there's some ridiculous cure-all out there that would liquidate my problems efficiently. Perhaps an apothecary nearby has an elixir of some sort, perhaps a potion.

A cheap herbal remedy distilled in some greasy hillbilly's downstairs bathtub.

I think it just scares me that I'm going to have to start dealing with shit.

Anyway. I'm feelin the pangs of hunger.

TEECSIN!

And, last time I checked. I was very foolhardy. Given to tomfoolery, if you will.
I might start using this regularly again. I don't know why.

I think I need more blogs. I need to spread my thoughts out thinly over the breadth of several different blogs, so it's easier....Like spreading butter on a warm turkey. Slides right over. It makes things easier to sift through that way. I'll leave it at that for now I suppose. Will just left from watching Samurai Champloo, and I need to get to bed. Gotta get rested up for a big day of skipping classes tomorrow.

I thought I'd do this becuase it looked fun...haha. AND SILLY!!!

Brent needs a new roomate.

Brent's needs are different than mine

Brent needs a ride from Zurcich to Hot Heels.

Brent needs to find out how the firm's financial needs will be compensated. (Ain't it the truth)

Brent needs somewhere to share his knowledge of non-technology related geeky stuff, his friends don't care, but maybe you do

Brent needs additional school places, particularly secondary. ... What sort of facilities do you think Brent needs?

Brent needs three top ten finishes at World Cups in order to meet the Canadian Olympic Committee qualifying standards. (And yet I try so hard as it is.)

Unless he chooses to continue living a deeply unsatisfying life, Brent needs to examine his self-proclaimed Godly status. ... (HA. Oh the sweet irony.)

Brent Needs To Stop Being A Fucking Dick About Everything (HAHAHHAHAH. OH MAN. This one is the best. Hands down. Everyone else's just got totally pwnd.)

Discuss why Brent needs a punishment. (This is today's topic. Discuss)

I never imagined I would run for parliament, but Brent needs a local person to fight its case, writes Conservative candidate Uma Fernandes ...

Every ward in Brent needs more police. (They know the annals of my body much better than me. Who am I to argue?)


Haha. I know that was more than ten...but I couldn't just pass up a golden opportunity like that....

Date:	2005-09-06 01:10
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	The sound of my fan...SHHH the negroes slumber....

I had to as well....
1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

Have fun with it, eh?


This seemed neat.....

You know. The only reason I'm doing this is because I'm drunk. I drank a hefty load of vodka in kool-aid, and this is the result. An entry in live-journal. What a lame drunk, you say. Yep. I am, in fact, a lame drunk. This is the second time I have ever been drunk, and this time, I am by myself. John was here, but he left. This is my turn, a few weeks ago he got drunk at my house, also by himself, and I thought he was stupid. Now, I'm the drunk one. *sigh* And yes, I do think I am stupid. Also, the fact that I can still manage decent grammar, punctuation, and vocabulary is quite amazing to me. Because....fuck, am I drunk. I am drunk as shit. Take your fingers and stretch them out 5.5 or 6 inches apart. Imagine that in a bottle. Now imagine that in my stomach. Because, buddy, that's how much liquor I had.....I'd like to add to my ramblings how this summer has passed by in a haze of drunken parties and exciting encounters. HAHAHA. Almost had you didn't I. You almost believed that. But, no. Alas, it was a lie. It has, however, been filled to the brimming point with scores and scores of boring nights, sitting at my house. Not sleeping. Not doing anything. Just sitting. I don't have a job, because I suck. I don't have any money. Not that having money would make things any better....but, fuck....money rules. Everybody knows that. I'd like top be able to post some exciting news...some amazing event. ANYTHING. But...(to repeat a word, I hate doing this, even though I am drunk it hurts me to my very soul to repeat a word), alas, I cannot. This summer is maybe one of the worst summers I have ever had....If not the worst. I HAVE DONE NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. No romantic encounters. (Not that you were expecting any, anyhow, right folks. I MEAN...HEY, IT'S ME. Girls, don't like me.) No near-death experiences...which is really a first. No, we have resorted, ultimately, to introverting ourselves completely into the innermost bowels of nerdiness. We've taken up Magic: the Gathering. Again. And Jesus, folks, is it ever nerdy. Hours and hours of nothing but casting creature spells, and jibber-jabber, and what-not. OOOOOOWEEEE. NERD TIME USA. Lemme tell you.And by we I mean, Will, Mickey, and I. The others seem to have taken an interest in it, but don't play it as much as we do. Every day is a fucking adventure, man. I wake up at the crack of 3 or 4 in the afternoon and sit around for an hour or so until Mickey gets off work....then we play Magic...then, after an hour or so we might go somewhere....but most of the time we don't. We sit at my house and talk about Magic and play it until Will gets of work, and THEN WE PLAY MORE MAGIC........FUCK............
I HAD TO GET DRUNK TONIGHT....DO YOU UNDERSTAND...I HAD TO...IT WAS SOMETHING DIFFERENT....SOMETHING NEW...Call it what you will...sad, depressing, reckless, stupid, idiotic. Indeed it is all of those things. Normally I loathe change. Absolutely abhor it, if you will. But, at this point in my life I would welcome it with open arms. It almost seems like conformity has become the basis of my existence....and I don't like it. Ah well. I'm sick of typing. I'm going to go to "sleep" Because that's one thing I can't do anymore. I just have these reoccurring dreams about giant cockroaches that multiply when you step on them. Scary shit, man. Lemme tell ya. Freak s the hell outta me......Anyway....time for sleep. My face is numb, and I'm drunk as hell. If I could spell a foreign closing I would type it. But, alas, (There's that fucking word again. *sigh* too many times tonight. I'll never be a writer.) I cannot. So, I leave you with a simple good-bye. Toodles.

Something happened today. It was bad. More somethings happened. They were also bad. Pity me.

OOOOOOOOOH STIIIIINNNKY

Date:	2004-01-24 00:18
Subject:	Bullshit
Security:	Public
Mood:	morose
Music:	Some shit

This is my first post in a while, and its complete and utter bullshit. I don't know why the subject of this here entry is bullshit. Most likely because that's what it is. Or what surrounds me every day of my life. You know...some people say I hate too many people and some people say Im too bitter and sarcastic. Well, I think those people can go fuck themselves. And I also think that those people that I do dislike deserve it. They're too fucking stupid for me to like. I'm sick of every single fucker in our high school and I just want to get out. Every day in that dank pit of sweltering darkness is a vivid reminder of just how real reality is. And it sucks. I'm sick of stupid people and Im sick of gay people. Im sick of girls that are bitches. If you havent realized yet, this post is just generally angry and for the most part will probably be spent being pissed off at things. Oh yea, and I hate black people too. You know, its not even really a racist thing. Of course it may sound that way to the untrained ear, but hear me out. I only hate the black people at our school because they're loud, annoying as fuck and stupid as fucking donkey with three brain cells. Don't get me wrong, some black people can act you know...normal, but as for the majority of them at our school...they're bitches. Still think its racism? Well...fuck you. Man, you know what makes me sick? People that drink to be cool. But who become "cool and popular," and who nobody really likes and also who's only "real" friend is Nikki Mosely, and she's only her drinking buddy because they're both damn ugly and single. Yea, that's right...Brittany you bitch. Wow, you know what...every single person in the BADD club...is an avid drunk. Man, that sure is something. What a bunch of assholes. Anyway, moving on. Man school really bites my buttons! I have to see all these fuckers every damn day. And it only gets worse. Inevitably, the level of stupidity within the walls of the school fluctuate proportionally with the levels of hatred within my body. Im kind of a hypocrite. I mena, I hate A LOT of people, and they can all go to hell, but you know what I REALLY hate. People that hate other people. Catch the contradiction there? Yea? Fuck you. I hate people sure...yea, but Im different. I won't not hang out with these people if they had the same friends. I wont hang out with someone or not talk to them if this certain person is around. Except for Rebecca AND THATS THE ONLY EXCEPTION. THat bitch is just too damned stupid and I cant stand her. KODY WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING. MAN!*sigh* I knew...I always knew. She's gonna rip out his fucking soul and eat it, because that's what she is, and fucking demon from the pits of hell. Oh she's changing him. Converting him to the likes of SAtan...Oh well....people make bad choices in life..what are you gonna do? Personally, I wouldnt date a desciple of Satan, but thats just me.
Anyway, I guess that's about all the anger I can muster for one night. TUne in next time kids for more of my bitterness!! ITS FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY! AND AFTERWARDS YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF! :)

Ok, so last week we made a bet. If Blue for Pie doesn't have a record deal by the end of this summer then Ken gets to kick me in the balls. Now, I know, I know. You may think that is a little harsh. But, if we have a record deal. An actual record deal...then I will gladly take a kick in the balls just for that. That's about all I have for now, I promise I'll make my life more exciting.

BLUE FOR PIE'S CHRISTMAS CAMPFIRE CONCERT
DECEMBER 20
THE HEINEKE RESIDENCE
BE THERE.

COME ONE COME ALL AND SPREAD THE CHRISTMAS ROCK!!!

Date:	2003-12-04 19:46
Subject:	OH MY GOD
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic
Music:	John Mayer

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I BET YOU FUCKERS ARE SHITTING YOUR PANTS RIGHT NOW. I'M UPDATING....SWEET BEJEESUS THE MOO COW! Well, the world's about the same as it was the last time I updated. Except the fags have only gotten gayer and the niggers have only gotten blacker. I don't have anything to drone on about right now, so I'll just leave it at this...I FUCKING UPDATED. YEA NIGGA YEA NIGGA, I GOT GOLD TEETH NIGGA.

BLUE FOR PIE RULES!!!!

You guys love Blue for Pie, right? Hell yea you do. Well, they're having a holiday show on Dec. 20, come all ye faithful! Venue and time yet unnanounced.

Date:	2003-09-16 21:30
Subject:	The Fifteenth One
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	Zepplin \,, / ROCK!

Man...its just been one of thowse days. You know, the kind that should be a Wednesday, but isn't. Yea, every single thing I was looking forward to today just fell through hardcore. So it turned out to be a pretty crappy day. In newspaper we got this sweet pass to the new Woody Allen movie and me and Levi were going to go...but nooo...I was fucking mom's birthday...lame. So we had to go to my crazy grandmother's house...Where she has waiting for us and wonderful dinner with appetizers of bread and tomatoes...go figure. But, before that, we were going to go to Jerry's...but SOMEBODY forgot to call me *cough cough* LEVI YOU BASTARD. Guess I know who my real friends are...Yea, no snowcones for me. Yea, well, enough of that crap. A positive aspect of the day..I found some neat books at my grandmohters house, but she told me I had to bring them back, but I was like "Look lady, you're gonna die soon anyway...what's the point." She cried...I dont really know why. Must be kinda depressing, lending all those books to me. Oh well. Thats all until another time. GOOD TIDINGS!

Date:	2003-09-14 01:11
Subject:	The Fourteenth One
Security:	Public
Mood:	complacent
Music:	AAF TruANT

I dont think Im really complacent, I just like the sound of that word. Well, I think its been a while since Ive updated, but I cant be sure...time has lost all meaning....Wow, its been a pretty sweet weekend so far. On Friday night we hung out a Sunglass Hut with Ken for a while, then we went to Ghandi's then on Saturday I hung out with everybody, including Tom Dons, and we watch an incredibly awesome movie at Ken's house. Boondock Saints, one of the sweetest movies of all time. It definitely goes on my favorites list. But...its gonna end crappy though. Ive got a shitload of homework to do tomorrow and I have to go bowling and to my Grnadparents house...with MY FAMILY. How lame is that...Wow...I love Coach Steinbrechers class, its so great. Right now we're watching this really crappy time travel movie and its great. Man...looks like Im out of things to ramble about. Catch you on the flip side.

Date:	2003-09-10 18:13
Subject:	The Thirteenth One
Security:	Public
Mood:	creative
Music:	"The Shining" by Badly Drawn Boy

I have decided two things. One, I hate newspaper. Two, my favorite poet is Stephen Crane, and my favorite poem is "The Walrus and the Carpenter" by Lewis Carrol. Both are extremely great. I love that book as well. It's one of the greates novels of all time. Ok, so newspaper is gay, we've been coming in early every day for a week, and so dar this week we've had to stay after every day....Im sick of it. OH yea, and I FUCKING HATE ENGLISH. That is such a bullshit class its not even funny. People pull crap out of their asses at random just to please her. Maybe its just this book thats pissing me off. Well, thats enough of my rants. LATER ON

Date:	2003-09-08 21:37
Subject:	The Twelfth One
Security:	Public
Mood:	distressed
Music:	John Mayer "A Room for Squares"

Wow...I hate my computer so much. Right now I am trying to pirate (HAHA) an Mp3 CD, but every back door I try to go through, my computer pushed me right back through...I'm so pissed off. Oh man...today was so great. I hate to say it, but I like newspaper. Especially when we stay after like we did. It was fun. And then afterwards, PJ, John and I went to go get snowcones. It was so hilarious. On the way back John skirted massively trying to race this guy..and he beat his horribly. Then when we dropped PJ off I said "WHo in here likes girls?!" and me and John raised our hands but PJ didn't....I guess it was just PJ's subtle way of coming out of the closet.....

Date:	2003-09-07 00:28
Subject:	The Eleventh One
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed
Music:	"Low Rider" by War

Damn, its been son long since I posted something. But absolutely nothing has happened. Ain't that just a bitch. I love the weekends. I slept until two today. I made up for all the lost sleep of the week. Man...I wish we had some type of meat in my house, because if we did, I would make a super meat sandwich and eat it. But we don't...Im sick of it. Im just sick of it. Im through. Sometimes I wish I had a tme machine.

Date:	2003-09-03 22:21
Subject:	The Tenth One
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	Foutains of Wayne "Hey Julie"

Yeeeea, so the folks bought me a car. A 2001 Honda Civic. It's pretty bitchin. So that made the day pretty wonderful in itself. Ah yes, PJ has found himself a new love interest and honestly, I'm happy for him. But, to reiterate a past point...it really sucks to see all your friends with girlfriends. But, I think I'm ok with being alone. It's all good. It's not like I'm completely alone, I mean, I've got great friends and there's never a dull moment. Yet...there's always that. It's hard to keep an optimistic outlook when you've failed as many times as I have and I'd hate to be victimized by the dirty beast of cynicism. I know some people who have...and they're not happy. Maybe its not only the cynicism...but that doesn't seem to help the situation much.

Date:	2003-09-01 12:52
Subject:	The Ninth One
Security:	Public
Mood:	curious
Music:	Three Days Grace

Has anybody seen the clouds this week? They've been so friggin awesome. Man, I love clouds. They're the coolest mass of water vapor ever. You know what else is cool? When you spray the water hose it always makes a little rainbow. I've been outside for like the past half hour just staring into the rainbow at the end of our waterhose. I think my Dad thinks I'm insane. And I had this epiphany about the clouds while I was mowing the yard. I had a neat thought last time I was cutting the grass, I put it in my summer journal, here it is. "Oh, you know that poem, the Walrus and the Carpenter deal? Yea, that one. I thought of a meaning for it when I was mowing the grass today. Ok, so the walrus is like the conformity in the society right? And the clams are like all the people in the society, and their personalities and they’re all conforming to what society wants them to be like, by following him in the poem. And they get eaten. Which means that by following the ways of conformity, one is hereby sacrificing, or in otherwords killing individuality and free thought." Pretty good, right? No, I didn't think so. That's enough for me, gotta go read the Tao so I can satisfy that crazy englsih woman's assignments.

Date:	2003-09-01 01:26
Subject:	The Eighth One
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful
Music:	Dashboard (SHUT UP!)

"Donnie Darko? What the hell kind of name is that? It's like some sort of superhero or something
What makes you think I'm not?"

"First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?"

God, I love that movie.........................


Shyea, me and PJ are having this conversation about drama, and I so totally agree with him. I mean, what the hell is up with people creating all sorts of pointless drama and conflict? There is none. For some reason people feel like they need to make a huge deal out of the stupidest things and there's so point. Life and high school are too short to waste it turning it into a war zone. *sigh* You know, whatever. Some people are just too set in their ways.

Date:	2003-08-31 16:20
Subject:	The Seventh One
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited
Music:	Foreigner

Well, it looks as if my folks are gonna buy me a car. A Civic. Its right nice if ya ask me. This is rather cool because they're spending a shitload on it...and I'm confused about it. Last night they bought a new stereo for my room and today they're buying me a new car...I think maybe their started to get depressed about me going off to college. I know one thing, I'm not. As far as college is concerned, I think it's going to be great fun. I'm trying to get Chip and PJ to go to Florida State with me, and Chip seems like he might, but PJ...he's just confused about everything. FOOL. Ah well. I need to go do something so I can feel like I at least got something accomplished today. LATER

Date:	2003-08-30 23:56
Subject:	The Sixth One
Security:	Public
Mood:	restless
Music:	Dean Martin

Well, this weekend is weird so far. It's probably been one of the most socially active weekends of my entire life. Not socially active in the sense of parties and such, but just that I've hung out with a lot of different people. First, on Friday afternoon there was the big Cross Country/Team Junt frisbee game, me and Levi left to go get Allison a snowcone before it was over but Team Junt won, SWWEET! Then we went to get snowcones again, after we got John, I got Hawaiian, it was a pretty stupid flavor, they all taste the same after a while anyway. That night I had to go to the game becuase of John and Levi and their damn Big Brother shit. But, it wasn't as bad as I thought. Saw lots of cool folks and had a grand ole time. I think I admire drums. I noticed this on the way in. I really like drums. I respect people who play drums, and really anyone who plays in the school band, a real band. Allison's solo wasn't as bad as she thought...but Hannah Davis' was pretty stupid, have I ever mentioned how annoying that girl is? My God...if there were only two bullets left on this earth and no guns..I would forcefully shove the bullets inside of her head with my bare hands. Anyway, it was pretty fun, I saw Will Stephenson there. I think it would be cool to hang out with Will sometime. After the game, we came back to my house and then Hannah Foster came over and we watched Donnie Darko. I've decided that that movie is the source for my desire to major in film studies and minor in psychology. That movie alone has swayed me and it makes me happy. Luke and John stayed over and of course Luke was the first one to bed. I stayed up late and watched some crappy horror movies. One was a version of The Monkey's Paw, and no matter how hard anyone tries, any rendition of that story WILL ALWAYS BE THE SAME. So that was gay...so then this other one comes on thats like ten times more crappy. This, called The Skull, is about a guy who steals the skull of the Marquis de Sade and it has a curse...WOOOOoooo. Today, Levi came over, and then Jay came over, and that was sweet, then we got John and all went to get snowcones...again, this time I got Tutti Fruiti..which wasn't much different from Hawaiian now that I think about it. Later on I went to Mikcey's house and watched House of 1,000 Corpses and part of Clash of the Titans, then we played some Silent Hill. Which brings me to now, sitting at the computer desk listening to Dean Martin and wishing I wasn't so damned lonely. I really am kinda sick of this loneliness thing. I've been dealing with it for quite a while and I'm just about ready for it to go away. One can always hope....